Tara

Tara Chaffee, 43, said she has learned a lot about herself “out here,” in the two years she has lived on the streets of San Diego.

She sleeps on a sidewalk under the San Diego City College most nights with her Rottweiler and shepherd mix Sativa. When police make sweeps, sometimes twice in the same week, forcing people to move their belongings while they clean the sidewalks, things get complicated. If she doesn’t have money for a motel room she moves back to the same spot.

She likes this spot because she can stay dry on rainy days, and she’s close to City College where she has registered for classes. “I’ve registered to start school there. I’m ready to do either nursing or the cybersecurity program. It’s never too late to follow goals, dreams. But I procrastinate.”

That’s because Tara and her neighbors are most concerned with finding housing, sleeping, eating and accessing clean drinking water. They wish the city would provide porta-potties downtown, a concern more for women than men at certain times of the month. “I’m on my period right now. I have baby wipes,” she said. “They have free tampons and pads at City College. It’s a life saver.”

The noise under the bridge affects her mentally and physically. “It’s emotionally exhausting,” she said. For her disabled neighbors it makes them jumpy and adds to their stress. Even though there are often people who pass through, handing out food or water, that is not something she can count on. What’s worse is the quality of that food. It’s usually processed or fast food. “It’s hard to find food cuz you can’t cook or store anything. So you got nothing once it’s gone,” she said.

In addition, if the police come through with a sweep when Tara is not there, she will come back to discover they have taken all her belongings and thrown them in the dumpster. She will have no place to sleep, no clothes, and her personal keepsakes will be lost forever.

When Tara encounters women who are new to living on the streets she warns them of the dangers that are unique to women. “I tell young women there are predators. The guys who are in the gangs are the best guys to be around. An OG who respects their mom, they’ll respect you. A lot of them were raised by sisters.”

She should know.

She was in a domestic violence relationship herself, which is why the Alaska Department of Human Services removed her three daughters from her home. “They took my kids, they took my life. And it messed the kids up,” she said. Tara didn’t have a mother at a young age. She raised her younger brother. She feels that young mothers everywhere need to be put into parenting classes where they can learn the skills that would stop the cycle of domestic abuse and neglect. It would also stop addiction before it starts since many people start abusing drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of trauma they are experiencing. “They need to have someone behind you, helping you, instead of yanking kids out. But they won’t listen to parents. I’ve had a lot of anger, it’s not easy to let that go,” she added. “Some people just need that little bit of a chance. They don’t have self esteem.”

Two of her daughters still live in Alaska, another lives in Oregon. The daughters in Alaska live with an aunt who talks bad about her, trying to turn the girls against their mother, she said. But they have found each other on Facebook and other social media platforms. She’s also 12 years sober, though she admits she occasionally gets a case of the “fuck its” and does some crystal. She tries to not let it run her life. Several times she has had to use NARCAN to revive people experiencing a drug overdose. She wants to be there for her daughters, one of whom is a dental hygienist and another is a veterinarian.

Caregiving runs in the family - she herself was a Certified Nurse Assistant for 12 years with a specialty of caring for patients with dementia. And that’s her goal with enrolling at City College - to reenter the medical profession. Once she does that, she said, she knows she will be fine.

“I’ve had stable housing. I know how to pay bills. I’ve just got to get my i.d.,” she said.

“I shouldn’t be alive right now,” she added. “I’ve lost a lot so it’s hard to trust. You can become a lost soul. But I know I’ll be ok.”