Jack

“It only takes a second to have your future changed. And most of the time that future is decided by someone else,” said Jack as he adjusted his cap to ward off the glare of the sun.

Jack, 40, was born in Farmington, New Mexico. The only family he knew was the parents who adopted him. He had a sharp mind, and was taking college math courses in high school. He went to college in nearby Las Cruces, and that’s where, at age 19, he met the man he wanted to marry.

Jack loved theater, drama and poetry. He wrote his own screenplays, and his instructors encouraged him to apply for a coveted dramatic writing program at UCSD where talented screen writers from the film and theater industry were faculty, looking for new talent. He was excited to be accepted. With more than a touch of sadness, Jack explained “Ironically, my mother raised me to be a gentleman and have my priorities in the order of spouse, family, then career last. Noel didn’t want to leave New Mexico, so I turned them down at UCSD.”

He changed directions at school and got degrees in both Finance and Law and Society. He was accepted to Stanford Law School. Noel consented to move to California’s Bay Area. “Five days later the Loma Pieta earthquake hit,” Jack said. “It was an omen.”

He got all As in school. As he was registering for his third year, his advisor got him a job with one of the biggest law firms in San Francisco. He was commuting to and from the city for work, spending all his waking hours at either school or work or commuting. So they got an apartment in San Francisco where Jack spent his week, going home to the East Bay and his husband on the weekends. Jack missed his husband; he was still very much in love.

So he quit both his job and law school and the two of them bought a very spacious five bedroom seven bath, 42,000-square-foot home in Rancho Santa Fe. His remodeling skills caught the eye of many people who came to their parties. “I’ve redesigned rooms for Joan Kroc,” he said proudly. It wasn’t long into their new life that Jack discovered his husband had more than one email account, and more than one lover, and that he was HIV positive. He followed him one night and caught him meeting strangers in public bathrooms for sex.

During divorce proceedings Jack learned the love of his life, a Qualcomm executive that he said was involved in developing smart phone technology, had managed to arrange the ownership of their 12 rental properties so Jack would get nothing. “He got $20 million and I got $350,000,” Jack said. During that torturous time, Noel was abusive when he was drunk, smashing pottery on Jack’s head and making up excuses to send him out on some small errand so he’d be stopped by police and given a DUI. “I should have seen it, but I was still too much in love,” Jack admits, “I got a DUI five times in 10 months. I did a year in prison, where I was raped three times by guards. Somehow all the evidence that was collected was conveniently disappeared when I got out and wanted to prosecute.” Other inmates thought he was a child molester because he was clean shaven, had no tattoos, was intelligent and was older than most inmates.

Just three years ago, he was walking down a street in Hillcrest and three guys with a baseball bat attacked him outside a bar. He’s dealing with the neurological damage from that attack, and applied for SSI, which he got, but not in time to help him pay his rent. So he found himself broken-hearted, a rape victim, HIV positive from his husband, penniless, sleeping in dumpsters, but spending his days in the library reading up on neuropathy. “We have five billion neurons in our brain, more than the stars in the galaxy,” he said. His psychiatrist and two psychologists are helping him develop a positive outlook on life. The hardest thing about being homeless is “the look on people’s faces,” he said. “They don’t realize we have a heart. Like those policemen in the jail. I was just an object to abuse. People on the street, they put up their hands to not look at me. That hurts.”

Jack emphasized, however, that he doesn’t believe in regrets. He believes in learning from his mistakes as well as other people’s mistakes.

“As painful as it is, I’m starting to see it was an abusive relationship. I had dreams of being a dramatic writer and maybe winning an academy award some day. I’ve worked for one of the big eight law firms… I’m strong-willed, aggressive, and I’m not giving up,” Jack said calmly. “I want a new partner some day. But they’re going to have to earn my trust. I’m a little reserved, but I do want to love someone again.”